Jass Richards

comic writer
(and occasional performer)

Are you a stand-up looking for material? Or a cartoonist looking for a writer?

Too stupid to visit - a collection of comic bits about stupid humans

Are there intelligent life forms out there in the universe?

Well yeah. No one's visited us yet.

In our species, sexual desire seems to induce a state of temporary idiocy. Which is why it is not particularly encouraging that the male half of the species actually brags about being in a constant state of sexual readiness.

The U.S. continues to puzzle over the persistence of racism. It also continues to call the official residence of the President "The White House."

In Saudi Arabia, a woman must be accompanied by a man whenever she appears in public; otherwise, she is subject to torture. Otherwise?

Many men express surprise and puzzlement upon hearing the words "I'm pregnant."

Apparently many of us still haven't connected having sex with having babies.

The site chosen for a nuclear power plant is two miles from an active fault line, and the blueprints for the reactors got mixed up, so the earthquake fault supports were installed backwards.

Oh yeah–we're definitely ready for that anti-matter stuff.

We should put a crocodile in there - a collection of comic bits about sports and an extended monologue about "Balls"

One of the most lauded athletic feats is to run a hundred metres in under 10 seconds. The current record holder can do it in 9.79.

My dog can do better than that. And she's only six.

'Course, she's black too.

Have you noticed that more and more athletes are saying a quick prayer at the starting line?

A clear admission that you can't possibly win without divine intervention – yeah, that'll really psych out your opponents.

On a regular basis, men will enter a ring and punch each other repeatedly in the head. This causes brain damage.

Well, more brain damage.

Critics are reminded that the participants are consenting adults.

That's the part we don't get.

Born that way - a collection of comic bits about religion

Most of us still think there's a god.

Well, okay, maybe that's not really a problem.

We still think it's an all-wise and all-good god.

Their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up. (Hos 13:16)

Dash their children, and rip up their women with child. (2 Kgs 8:12).

Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones. (Ps 137:9)

They shall have no pity on the fruit of the womb. (Isa 13:18)

Thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body. (Deut 28:53)

So I guess he's not really Pro-Life then, is he.

Why did the guardian angel cross the road?

To be with his imaginary friend.

Jass Richards does Europe

People in business class and first class need to feel important and special.

So they get to board ahead of the rest of us.

Along with the infants and small children.

Europe just doesn't have the junk food we do. I had a heck of a time finding Doritos.

Especially in, of all places, Amsterdam.

my cv - a comic novel - excerpts available here